Nothing is more cringe-worthy than when your spouse wants to talk about MONEY! And what’s hilarious is that…I’M A FINANCIAL COACH and even I get all tense when my husband starts talking about investment strategies or where we are in saving for retirement or the stock market or our monthly spending habits, etc., etc. You’d think I was the one endlessly talking about money, but funny enough, in our marriage, he talks about it more. So why is it that I have such an incredibly hard time hearing from him about the topic that I study every day? Why is it, for any of us, that when our spouse wants to talk about money our brains immediately go to “OH NO!”
Money talk can kill the mood and make a person instantly defensive!
I don’t care how much you love your husband or wife, when money becomes the topic of conversation, we have the ability to turn our lovely homes into a scene from Gladiator! Seriously! It’s one thing when we talk about money in terms of our work or a game show, but when it concerns our personal lives and relationships…the shields fly up and the swords are drawn. Why? Because money is extremely PERSONAL! Even for married couples who have promised before man and God that they are walking this journey together, money is a “don’t go there” kind of topic.
Money is in the top 5 reasons for divorce.
Data released…by financial firm TD Ameritrade found that 41% of divorced Gen Xers and 29% of Boomers say they ended their marriage due to disagreements about money. What’s more, if you’re arguing about money early on in your relationship, watch out: That may be the No. 1 predictor of whether or not you’ll end up divorced, according to a study of more than 4,500 couples published in the journal Family Relationships.
Quote Source: marketwatch.com
Communication and Openness is KEY!
It’s inevitable that at some point, the discussion of money will come up. So, what do you do? Do you risk opening Pandora’s Box? Do you prepare for the verbal showdown that will somehow encompass every past mistake you’ve made? It doesn’t have to go that way!
Communication is crucial in marriage, and not being able to communicate effectively quickly leads to resentment and frustration for both, impacting all aspects of a marriage. On the other hand, good communication is the foundation of a strong marriage. When two people are sharing a life together, they must be able to talk about what they need and be able to understand and try to meet the needs of their partner.
Quote Source: marriage.com
- If you are the one wanting to talk about money:
- Ask your spouse what day and time would work best.
- Tell your spouse you only want the discussion to last [insert reasonable time – no more than 1 hour].
- If agreed…YAY!
- If not, briefly explain why you need the conversation and what you’re hoping to achieve.
- Remember: don’t ever go into a conversation with the goal to “fix” the other person. That will never go well. You can only fix you.
- If you are the one that doesn’t like to talk about money and your spouse approaches you:
- Be open!
- If a designated day / time and length of conversation isn’t suggested, suggest it.
- If asked why, simply be honest. Explain you have a hard time with these conversations, but you can see that it’s important, so you want to be able to provide the best attention possible to the conversation.
- If agreed…YAY!
- If not, gently reiterate that you will give your full attention and you want to be part of this important conversation.
Find Common Ground.
In both cases, if the conversation starts to go way out to left field and you start to see Maximus riding towards you in full armor, take a beat. Ask for a 5-minute pause with the full intention of coming back together. You two have chosen each other because you want to experience this crazy adventure of life with each other. That’s a big common ground. So be gracious, be open, and always be respectful…even if the other person might not be (pray for strength in those situations).
There is hope for couples who want to work on better communication around money. When couples get on the same page—through talking regularly, making money goals, and discussing dreams together—they build a strong foundation for their relationship. Working with each other (instead of against) reduces anxiety and fosters healthier relationships.
Quote Source: ramseysolutions.com
Never forget the day you said “yes!”
You and your spouse chose to spend this life together…for better or for worse. That means you work together for the good of your marriage. It’s not just about you and it’s not just about your spouse. It’s about creating a life that encompasses the best of both of you! If you need some help navigating these rocky financial paths OR you’re newly engaged and you want to tackle this subject early, I’m here for you! Click on the Free Consultation link below for my “Financially Fruitful” sessions, which are geared towards helping couples navigate their finances within marriage.
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